Some of you might be reading this and have no idea what I am talking about. I feel like I am just rambling, which I probably am but that is how things in my head are right now... jumbled. Let me try and explain things. First and fore most I have been totally PMSing (sorry boys) but for girls out there they know how that makes everything much worse. Say hello to mood swings! Then there is my ex. Hold on! Don't think I am going to start rambling on about moving on and wanting him back or something cause thats not it. I have worked long and hard to get to where I am today... over it. I have been through hell and back (excuse my language) with that boy. The last two semesters of school were rough with him popping in and out of my life and every time he popped in I reverted back to myself when we first broke up and I still loved him. Not anymore though. He is in my life and we working on being friends. It has taken sometime but I think I got it down. Well, you say what is the problem?! The problem is is I didn't get to say bye to him when I left Reno then he went back over seas to Afghanistan and we have been talking over skype but it's not my normal conversations I am use to with him and I guess I am still getting use to being just another friend and not his best friend you know? So I have been dealing with that. As Lorin would say he is just a "giant boob." Then I am trying really hard in getting back to church, but it is SO HARD. I have been living for 3 years in a totally different way and now that I know I need to stop I can't. I went almost all summer with no problems but then you slip up once then it gets easier to slip up again. If I think it's hard now I can't even image what it will be like at school. I am not to worried though I will start going to church and find the support and help I need to "Choose The Right." Now after a month of ivs I am sick AGAIN! The doctor put me on two antibiotics and in August when I get my sinus surgey he is going to do a bronch and clean my lungs out and culture the gunk that he sucks out, gross!! The antibiotics have started working but it kept me up coughing and throwing up for a good hour 1/2 last night. I am still working on getting financial aid back. I finally mailed the school all my paper work so now we wait. Then the day that I felt most over whelmed I had a best friend email me and say just the things that pushed me over the edge so I went over to my friend Levi's house for a relaxing movie night to clear my head. It was the best idea I've had in a long time. I had the perfect night and I am so glad me and him are friends. I had my phone on silent so the moment I realized how late it was and saw the million missed calls from my mom and dad I knew I was right back to reality. I never turn my phone on silent but I did this time so my mom was freaking out and was sure I had died in a crash. So I called her said I was fine and lost track of time and would be home soon. I felt bad that next morning how I reacted to the news from friends and I treated them both badly and acted immaturely so I apologized to both of them but something just didn't feel right. That is when I had sherise come over and we talked and everything felt better.
If you really watch it there are so many good lessons to be learned. I wish I could have one of the pep talks with Coach Taylor he always knows what exactly to say and is there for everyone no matter what. I guess in a different kind of way I have my very own coach taylor when I get down on my knees and pray. That is something I have always struggled with and have felt weird about but now that I think about Christ gives the best pep talks and always knows just what to say when you need him. Wow, I just had an epiphany while writing this hahah. Anyways this has been long enough... until next time!