Friday, July 30, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
Some of you might be reading this and have no idea what I am talking about. I feel like I am just rambling, which I probably am but that is how things in my head are right now... jumbled. Let me try and explain things. First and fore most I have been totally PMSing (sorry boys) but for girls out there they know how that makes everything much worse. Say hello to mood swings! Then there is my ex. Hold on! Don't think I am going to start rambling on about moving on and wanting him back or something cause thats not it. I have worked long and hard to get to where I am today... over it. I have been through hell and back (excuse my language) with that boy. The last two semesters of school were rough with him popping in and out of my life and every time he popped in I reverted back to myself when we first broke up and I still loved him. Not anymore though. He is in my life and we working on being friends. It has taken sometime but I think I got it down. Well, you say what is the problem?! The problem is is I didn't get to say bye to him when I left Reno then he went back over seas to Afghanistan and we have been talking over skype but it's not my normal conversations I am use to with him and I guess I am still getting use to being just another friend and not his best friend you know? So I have been dealing with that. As Lorin would say he is just a "giant boob." Then I am trying really hard in getting back to church, but it is SO HARD. I have been living for 3 years in a totally different way and now that I know I need to stop I can't. I went almost all summer with no problems but then you slip up once then it gets easier to slip up again. If I think it's hard now I can't even image what it will be like at school. I am not to worried though I will start going to church and find the support and help I need to "Choose The Right." Now after a month of ivs I am sick AGAIN! The doctor put me on two antibiotics and in August when I get my sinus surgey he is going to do a bronch and clean my lungs out and culture the gunk that he sucks out, gross!! The antibiotics have started working but it kept me up coughing and throwing up for a good hour 1/2 last night. I am still working on getting financial aid back. I finally mailed the school all my paper work so now we wait. Then the day that I felt most over whelmed I had a best friend email me and say just the things that pushed me over the edge so I went over to my friend Levi's house for a relaxing movie night to clear my head. It was the best idea I've had in a long time. I had the perfect night and I am so glad me and him are friends. I had my phone on silent so the moment I realized how late it was and saw the million missed calls from my mom and dad I knew I was right back to reality. I never turn my phone on silent but I did this time so my mom was freaking out and was sure I had died in a crash. So I called her said I was fine and lost track of time and would be home soon. I felt bad that next morning how I reacted to the news from friends and I treated them both badly and acted immaturely so I apologized to both of them but something just didn't feel right. That is when I had sherise come over and we talked and everything felt better.
If you really watch it there are so many good lessons to be learned. I wish I could have one of the pep talks with Coach Taylor he always knows what exactly to say and is there for everyone no matter what. I guess in a different kind of way I have my very own coach taylor when I get down on my knees and pray. That is something I have always struggled with and have felt weird about but now that I think about Christ gives the best pep talks and always knows just what to say when you need him. Wow, I just had an epiphany while writing this hahah. Anyways this has been long enough... until next time!
Friday, July 16, 2010
On a happier note as of last night I am now sleeping with oxygen!! After all the appointments my doctors asked me about it and all the times my mom and Aunt Landa talked to me about its pro and the never the cons I am finally doing it! Besides the learning to sleep with the noise of the machine it really isn't to bad. I will have to let you know how I am feeling in a couple weeks and how it is working. I also have sinus surgery FINALLY set up for the like week before I go back to school (hopefully I recover fast) and an appointment with the doctor that will set up my port. Hopefully that gets put in before I go back to school but I am not sure it will happen. If not then that will be my plan for winter break! It always makes me laugh the kind of stuff I get excited about or what I consider a "happier note" while others might feel as if all the things I just listed were bad or sad but really for me they are great and life saving, literally!
I've been feeling a little under the weather so I am going to make an appointment to see the doctor. No getting sick right before school and moving into my new apartment!!! No way jose. I can't wait to move into my new place with only the 3 most amazing roommates anyone could ever ask for. Two of whom happen to my best friends Sherise and Lorin. You know it is so crazy to me how both these girls don't think twice about my CF. It's just another part of me like my personality or hair color is. They don't give me funny looks when I cough alot, they don't stare when I do my treatments or take my pills. Heck Lorin is like mom away from home and makes sure I get everything I need to done and Sherise will hold off on going out just to make sure I have everything done. When I have my iv's they don't even flinch or give me weird looks like other ppl do when I am out and about. At school when I went to the hospital I didn't wanna go alone so they both came with me and sat in the waiting room while I went back and they didn't think anything of it. They both ask questions and look things up so they know whats best for me. I am the luckiest girl on earth to have friends as amazing as these two girls. I don't know what I would do without them. I feel normal and free around them and that is such a breath of fresh air.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Now on to me and my life. Well I am getting ready to do a sleep study so that I can start sleeping with oxygen on at night. I am so excited.Why? Then I can sleep soundly and because my body will finally have the oxygen it needs at night I will feel refreshed in the morning and wont wake up with headaches anymore. Straight A's here I come!! :D Also on my list of medical endeavors is getting my port set up. Every person on cystic life that I have read so far has sang praises of the port. I will never have to go through the picc line routine again it was such a pain literally and figuratively. I will also be able to more easily do meds at school if I need them. Once again straight A's here I come!!
I can't believe there is only like 40 days left until Sherise and I are finally Reno bound and just a few days after that we are moving into our very own apartment! AHH I couldn't be more excited. I bought a shower curtain (zebra print), have a bog full of movies, and some plates and what not so far for the new place I still have a ton to go!! Summer break has been pretty uneventful which I guess I should be kind of glad about. Mostly I just hang out with sherise. I am going to die with her being our of the country for a week with no cell phone :O I know horrifying I couldn't agree more! If I am not with sherise I am over at grandma's house just chillin hoping they don't move =/ Nothing will ever be the same again, I'm not a fan of this kind of change but if it's what needs to be done so be it. In August we are going up to a hot springs in Idaho for a family reunion I am so excited!
So these past couple weeks I have decided to make a change or in the words of sherise "turning over a new leaf!" I have decided to get my life back on track on on the right path. How I was living life before might of been fun but things just weren't working out and thank to my amazing friend Jake I was able to see that and have started working on changing and making things better. Man oh man I did not know how hard it was going to be and how much of a hold certain things have on me (sherise knows what "things" I am talking about hahahah) but really it's hard. The moment I think I have got it down and I think I have been going good and strong for a few days now a temptation presents its self. 99% of the time I can say no right now but sometimes it is just hard. Once I am back up in reno single ward here I come. omg I can't believe I just said it! We will see how I do and what happens.
Well that is it for now I guess. Until next time.... Adios (: