Today vs. the Future... How do you live life?

Last weekend I had a friend from California in town that I hadn't seen for 2 years. Lucky for us he had a free hour Saturday afternoon for us to do some catching up and talking. We were talking about my reactivation in church, and how he just doesn't understand, he isn't a huge fan of religion in general. We were also talking about him ending things with a friend (long story). Anyways it got us talking about the today vs the future. He was telling me he lives for each moment, he doesn't like to think about the future he just enjoys and makes the most out of every day. He finds his happiness there, satisfying his cravings and just loving life in general. Now at first I thought about this in a "church" frame of mind, but as I thought about our conversation later that day it got me thinking about his statement in a "CF" frame of mind.

As a person with CF I cherish every single day I've been blessed with. Especially the days that I am well and healthy, because in all honesty, I don't know how long I have till I get sick again, or how long I have till my baseline drops or when  transplant will be on the horizon for me. See, even just then it was my future I was thinking about! I can't seem to stay in the today. I do all that I want and love and I am so grateful for everyday I have, but with the uncertain future that comes with a chronic illness your future is something that is always on your mind. I plan for a healthy future of course! A future with a husband and kids. A future as a college graduate and a special education teacher. A future full of happiness, love and peace. I plan future vacations, right now we're planning a trip to California with friends for the summer! Within the church aspect I live my life according to God's commandments to plan for my salvation. I make great and wondrous plans! However, on the other hand I must prepare for curves life throws me and detours to those plans, because CF is so incredibly unpredictable I never know what lies a head of me, not even day to day honestly. So I might plan to live to be 80, but I know that there is possibility my time to return to my creator might come earlier then that. I've thought long and hard about that, but then that brings in my planning for salvation for my life with God and my long past ancestors. I prepare myself for the idea of being dependent on oxygen, I can easily be a teacher at an online school when the demands of being a teacher at a physical school may become to much for my disease ridden lungs. I know one day I may be faced with getting a lung transplant. I've done my research I know how I feel, and I know someday in my future I must face it! I have to prepare  for the thought that maybe if I have a family one day I might not be able to see my own kids grow up and get married. Those are all just possibilities, those are some things that may or may not happen in the future. Things that run across my mind time to time.

Some may say that's morbid or negative thinking, but anyone who knows me will tell you I am a very positive person. Nobody's life is certain. Anything can happen, but as a person with a chronic illness you are faced with those possibilities very early in life. I've already outlived the life expectancy my parents were given when I was diagnosed! My future is bright. I will never stop working hard to reach my dreams, and I will never stop cherishing everyday I'm blessed with. I will battle through the hard times, and I will smile and laugh everyday. So while I do live for today, I must take care of my body and be ready for whatever my future throws at me. There is an infinite possibilities waiting out there for me, and I can't wait to find out what they are!

Stomach viruses, hospital stays and blessings!

Most of you already know, but just in case here's a quick update. I've been in the hospital since Wednesday night. I had a stomach virus that had me throwing up and unable to keep anything down. After 4 days of that and not being able to do my treatments really we finally went into my CF doctor. I was admitted that night for dehydration and weight lose. That's now under control thankfully! I had been on oral antibiotics pre-stomach virus but couldn't keep it down. Between that and not being able to do full treatments my oxygen sats had dropped to 92 and I was so weak. So now we're treating a lung infection with IV antibiotics. I'm hoping to be out of here real soon. I'm starting to go a little crazy! Isolation stinks.

You might think I'm crazy for saying this, but this has been the best hospital admission I've ever had, even if I am stuck in the adult side in a tiny isolated room! I've had more visitors stop by to see me then ever before, and for the first time it was more friends then family! The first day my Dad surprised me by taking a half day and spending 7 hours with me watching movies and hanging out. My visiting teachers came by when they got off work and that night my amazing home teachers came by with love, fudge and gave me a blessing. At that moment I thought it couldn't get better, I felt so blessed. Little did I know it was only going to get better! The next day my Mom spent all afternoon with me, even after being with my sister who was in surgery till midnight the night before. That evening I got a surprise visit and such fun goodies from my cousin Stacey and her wonderful husband. Then as soon as my Mom left a group of friends decided to come surprise me! I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. While they were here my friend Dallin asked if I wanted a visitor for a movie night, and of course I said yes! Yesterday flew by. Time flies when in good company. I went to bed a happy girl after Dallin left our our movie finished. Which was ironically the Pursuit of Happiness. I have indeed found my happiness even in a boring place like an isolated hospital room! I'm so incredibly blessed to have such wonderful friends and family in my life. These last few months I've become really close to a new group of friends and it's been so wonderful to have them in my life! I honestly wouldn't trade my life for anything. Having CF and spending time in the hospital here and there really gives you time to ponder life. You can either let it get you down or you can find the happiness in it. I've found that happiness. I have amazing nurses, doctors, family and friends. There is no reason for me not to have a smile on my face and joy in my heart! Now it's time to go home. Got the okay from my doctor and this is officially my last night in the hospital!

I wish I would of taken pictures with everyone while they were here or at least my friends, but I was so excited I didn't even think about it till my Mom said I should of. I do have a couple pictures of my goodies and the silly isolation outfits though (:

Crime fighting duck or my Dad?! 

My snack choice my first day eating again: watermelon and ham!!

"Kindness is our religion"

This past weekend I had to opportunity to go to Salt Lake City, Utah with my singles ward for a weekend trip, and I'm so grateful that I decided to go on this trip. Not only was it a BLAST it was exactly the spiritual uplift I needed in my life! We left from the church at 3:00 in the morning on Friday. Sleeping on the bus was a joke so the drive felt 10x longer then it really was. As soon as we got into the Salt Lake valley area we stopped to get into church clothes then headed up to the temple! We got to hear the temple president talk, and we got to do temple work in one of the most historic temples. It was so amazing seeing some of the insides of this magnificent building. I'm in awe at the work and details that the pioneers put into this temple. They truly built this house for the Lord. Following temple work and lunch we went to watch the Joseph Smith movie as a ward. My love and gratitude for these first saints is over whelming.  I know that God truly knows each of us individually and sends us here to Earth at a specific time. I don't think I could of done all the things those first saints had to do. They believed so fully in this Gospel, they put their trust in the Lord and kept pushing on, even after seeing their dear prophet Joseph and his brother murdered. 

That night we stayed in a cabin up in Sundance. I had the chance to get to know and hang out with people in the ward I wouldn't normally, and I got to know members of the bishopric and their families better! We had such a fun time. Because of a storm that had just pulled through the SLC area the roads in Sundance were very icy and our bus had a really hard time getting up the mountain, and it ended up getting stuck. After dinner we  got together as a ward and prayed for the safety of our bus driver and success in getting it off the mountain. The feeling in that room was amazing. 

The next morning we went back to Temple Square and got to whatever we wanted. Our bus driver had a long night so we got to spend extra time in Salt Lake while he slept, which was fine by all of us! I spent the day with some really awesome friends, and we seemed to run into Brother Smith and his daughter everywhere! It was so awesome being able to go to the museums and visitors centers. The museum has all kinds of artifacts and original documents from early prophets and pioneers!! It's so cool. Of course the funnest part is the kids part of the museum. 

I'm so grateful for my ward and my kind generous bishopric. I love this sweet gospel! After this trip my love for Joseph Smith is unexplainable. In the Joseph Smith movie a lady came up to Joseph and told him that she didn't believe in his church, but is grateful they've been so kind to the people of their town. Joseph looked at the old lady and said, "Ma'am kindness is our religion" that saying has been in my mind since Friday. No matter how difficult life got for Joseph and his family he was always able to find the joy and purpose in life. I could go on forever about this amazing trip & the pioneers but I'll spare you, and end with a few of the pictures I took over this amazingly fun weekend!

Goofin around in Sun Dance with some of the best people I know!

One of the my most favorite and one of the most
 beautiful buildings: the Salt Lake Temple

The view from the cabin in Sun Dance!

The beautiful Christus in the temple visitors center.

Some of the original prints of the Book of Mormon,
and writings from Joseph Smith!

Learning to dance in the children's part of the museum with Gabi!

I had such an amazing time hanging out with these cool kids (:

Special Education

I had the sweetest conversation with one of my professors in class this afternoon. We were working in groups & she came to talk to our group. After helping us with the assignment she asked what my port was. I told her what it was & she asked what my condition was, if I didn't mind sharing. When I told her I had CF, the sweetest expression crossed her face & she goes oh really? So that's why you had that cough a couple weeks ago? I explained to her I had a bad cold that settled in my lungs which is why I was hooked up to IV's right now. We talked about how often I do IV's and why, and the basics of CF. She told me about a lady her husband use to be good friends with that had CF, raised 2 boys & had lived to be 40! She asked if I was married or dating someone & when I told her no she goes "Well I sure hope you get to experience that in your life, hopefully they find a cure real soon! You'll be in my prayers dear" then went off to help other groups, before bringing the class back together to share our work... This semester all my classes are special education courses, and all my professors in them are special education teachers or people who have worked with special ed kids within the school system. I've come to realize that special education teachers are some of the sweetest people on this earth. I'm so grateful I chose this field of work to go into!!

"Decisions Determine Destiny"

While I was in Reno over the summer the singles ward had a high council speaker who talked on the topic of “Decisions Determine Destiny” from President Monson. When I got back to vegas I looked more into the things he said that had really stuck with me. I came to find out that this has been a theme of President Monson’s for several years now; there were MANY conference talks that touched on this topic, and all of them equally wonderful!

In the scriptures we learn that we have that choice to choose life and liberty through Christ or captivity through Lucifer. We've been given the right to choose, we have our agency. It’s the only thing in this life that is truly ours to either give to God, or to use for bad.

President Monson said, “No choice is insignificant, for we become what we think about. Our choices determine our destiny. In Lewis Carroll’s delightful classic Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Alice finds herself coming to a crossroads with two paths before her, each stretching onward but in opposite directions. She is confronted by the Cheshire cat, of whom Alice asks, “Which path should I take?” The cat answers, “That depends where you want to go. If you do not know where you want to go, it doesn't really matter which path you take.” Unlike Alice, each of you knows where you want to go. It does matter which way we go, for the path we follow in this life surely leads to the path we shall follow in the next. Choose carefully.”

The first time I read that quote I thought of a conversation Bishop and I had last week. He asked me when I knew I had a testimony of the gospel, when I knew it was true. I couldn't think of just one big defining moment to tell him. A flood of things came to my mind instead: moments I had in the temple with the ward, the process of reading my scriptures every morning until I finally finished the Book of Mormon for the first time earlier this year, learning new things in institute, the over whelming feeling of joy I felt when I bore my testimony a couple months ago on fast Sunday. My decision to move back to vegas, which was ultimately for health reasons, but brought me to my amazing ward and back into the church. Praying for help and being able to see the Lord’s hand work in my life. All these decisions were little in the grand scheme of things but all added up together have built my faith and testimony. No choice is insignificant. 

 So what are some of the choices or decisions from the scriptures big or small that had a large effect in the end that we could relate to our own lives?

1. An example from the Bible of a wrong choice with a large consequence would be David and Bath-sheba.

2    2. A BoM reference would be Lamen and Lamuel vs Nephi in getting the Golden Plates. 

3    3. The biggest one I can think of is the decision a teenager made to kneel down and prayer about which church to attend. That teenager being Joseph Smith. From that small and simple prayer began the restoration of this Gospel.

President Monson said, "Decisions are constantly before us. To make them wisely, courage is needed—the courage to say no, the courage to say yes. Decisions do determine destiny. I plead with you to make a determination right here, right now, not to deviate from the path which will lead to our goal: eternal life with our Father in Heaven. There are countless worthy goals to reach as we travel through life. Needed is our commitment to reach them. No temptation, no pressure, no enticing can overcome us unless we allow it such. If we make the wrong choice, we have no one to blame but ourselves.”

I know that even the littlest of decisions can make all the difference. I've seen it in my own life whether for good or bad. I can see how much easier it is to live righteously when I make the choice to spend time with friends that share the same values as I do vs. those who don’t. I can see the difference in my day when I start it with scripture reading or maybe I play a general conference talk instead of music while I get ready for school. Like President Monson said we've been given the tools to make the righteous choices that lead us to our righteous destinies. The rest is left up to us!

Good ole rivalry football...

As many of you know I'm a HUGE college football fan, particularly for the Nevada WolfPack. Every year Nevada plays UNLV (the university in southern Nevada) for a canon that is either painted blue or red depending on who has it. For 7 years in a row it's been Nevada's, painted blue up north. This years game was in Las Vegas, and my two best friends were coming down for it!! I couldn't have been more excited. I'd missed the girls, and I'd missed going to football games SO MUCH. Tickets were bought, plans were made, and we were totally ready to kick UNLV's butt for the 8th year in a row. 

It was hot, crowded and ridiculously stressful but of course, Nevada came out with the win! The canon is staying blue for it's 8th year!! I really couldn't of asked for a better weekend. My best friends in town, rivalry football, and the WolfPack kicking butt. It was the perfect Saturday, and totally worth the sun burn and lack of sleep!

You know you have CF when....

you not only know what you're culturing in your lungs, but can pronounce all three of them correctly without thinking twice!! I had a meeting with my Bishop last night, who's a surgeon so he knows the basics of CF and what not from school. We were talking about my port cause it's the first time he's seen it accessed, and he was asking why I was on antibiotics, was it pneumonia, steroids, ect? My response was pretty much, "well my lung function dropped after a bad cold, and my Staph, Stenotrophomonas and Aspergillus pretty much always grow in my lungs as permanent residence so that's what we're treating!" All with a smile on my face of course. He just looked at me and laughed. He thought it was so funny that I knew what I was growing, and could pronounce all three correctly. It made my night! I love my Bishop, he's pretty much the coolest person I know (: