Sometimes I catch myself thinking about what my life would be like if I didn't have CF. If I was just a normal care free 21 year old. My current dilemma that has got me thinking is health insurance. I find myself planning my entire life around it! My job I'm going to school for I know will get my great insurance, but what happens if I get really sick and can't work? If I get married and lose my Dad's amazing insurance while this guy have a good job that will have insurance and pay to help support me and my medical needs? Should I go out tonight or should I rest cause my bodies recovering from a cold that a normal 21 year old would of bounced back from 4 days ago, and my bodies completely worn out from all the coughing I've been doing. Tomorrow afternoon I have to make sure I'm home for my Tobra levels to be drawn to make sure my dosage is right, do I have the money to pay those bills that some how slipped through the cracks and made it to collections on top of my new antibiotics.... These are things that I've had on my mind the last few days, and many times throughout my life. I want to know what a normal 21 year old thinks about? What would my life be like without CF?
But then I remind myself that everyone has their own problems, just because someones life looks care free and fun I don't know what's happening behind closed doors or what their worries in life are. I remind myself of all the amazing people CF has brought into my life, and best friends that live all over the country that CF has brought me. I look at myself and see a strong positive young lady, and see how all my trials that have come with CF have shaped me into who I am today. CF brought me back to Las Vegas for school, which brought me back to my church.
So what would my life be like without CF? I don't know.... but even though some days I may be overwhelmed and wish I wasn't a 21 year old with a chronic illness, I remind myself of all the blessings I have in my life and all that having CF has given me and I smile.