Thankful Thursday!!

Last week Mandi decided to bring back the Thankful Thursday for this wonderful holiday season. She had been inspired by a sermon they heard at church, and asked everyone, who wanted to, to participate in this with them. I have so much to be thankful for and I could never turn down the opportunity to show my appreciation for everything I have! If you would like to read Ronni and Mandi's Thankful Thursday they are over at "run sick boy run"

1. I am so grateful that I have been able further my education past high school. Not everyone is able to afford it and has to work after HS while talking classes or work until they have enough saved up to pay for classes.Last year I had an amazing aunt and uncle that cosigned on a loan to allow me to take out enough money to move up to reno and take classes and University of Nevada.This year was a little harder on money, but my parents wanted me to be happy and if going to school in Reno meant my happiness they would find a way to make that possible and we did! I am able to better myself and plan for my future. I am so blessed to be sitting in my apartment right now taking a break from studying for my finals I have today. I know you're thinking how can she say she is blessed to take finals?! Don't worry I do hate them very much, but these finals will just show how much I have learned and grown this past semester and that is what I am thankful for.

2. I am incredibly thankful for medical advances we have today and the ones we have to look forward to in the future. It is because of all the hard working scientist that I owe the amazing quality of life.... heck my life to. I wouldn't be here today without them!

3. I am thankful for airplanes. Instead of driving 9 hours through the middle of nowhere Nevada desert to get home for the holidays coming up I get to hop on a plane and be there in an hour!! I even get complimentary peanuts/pretzels and a Dr. Pepper. What more can a girl ask for?

4. I am so blessed to live in a time where the world wide web is growing and technology is getting better! Because of this there is such an amazing support system for us CFers online! I don't know what I did before them. Any fear or concern you have they are their to give advice and to tell you that you are not alone... with any good numbers or celebrations they are there to give you a pat on the back on the tell you good job. They are also so somebody who understands what you are going through and are willing to hold you accountable for working out and doing your treatments. The online CF community is so large and so strong. I am so grateful to have them.

5. Last but not least I am grateful for my friends. They take such good care of me. They give me crap when I'm making stupid mistakes, they drive me to doctors appointments and sit with me, they sit in the emergency waiting room with me for hours, they make me eat when I'm sick, won't let me leave without a treatment, put up with my mondo boxes of meds that take up half the top shelf of our fridge and my meds that take up a shelf in the kitchen. They don't see my ugly port bump, and are so immune to my cough that they don't even notice it unless I am sick and it's increased. They have learned to sleep even with the noises my oxygen makes, like laughing at me when I talk with my vest on, and they always know how to keep a smile on my face. I love my friends. They are like family to me.

I can't wait until next week to pick another 5 things I am thankful for. I have so many!!

It's been a little crazy for awhile with midterms, projects, trips home and now trying to get over my first cold of the season. With the holidays and finals just around the corner it shows no sign of stopping but I wanted to sit down and update the blog world because it's been far to long! A week or so ago I was able to fly home for a few days for my cousin Trinity's wedding. It was so beautiful and so great to be able to be there with all my family. We also had my Aunt Aimee's family and Ashtyn's family over for breakfast one of the days I was in town so I could meet Ashtyn's new little guy. It was a great weekend home, and I cannot wait to go home this week for Thanksgiving and even more family fun!

Sisters of the groom! My cousins and best friends!

Dancing with my Daddy

Lately I have been thinking a lot about life and what it is I want to accomplish in my life. Sure I'm in college pursuing a degree to be a special education teacher which is great. I love my classes and my school. I can't wait to get into the classrooms with the children, but there is so much more to life then going to college and making a living. I've come to realize the two most important and amazing things, to me, are 1.love and 2. the creation of life. Let me elaborate a bit on this.

1. There is a difference between loving someone and being IN love with someone. There are so many people in my life that I truly love and care for but I can't wait for that day that I find the right boy for me and I fall head over heels in love with him. Love isn't something that happens over night, love isn't easy, but love is worth it. Anybody can be in a relationship, anybody can say those three words but to really truly mean it takes work, it takes time. Opening yourself up so completely to someone can be scary but in the end it can be worth it. Yes, I have loved somebody... Was I IN love I don't know. I thought I was but somebody that loved you as much as they said would never hurt them as badly as I was hurt. I used that as a lesson learned for the future. God has a plan for me and has made someone special with me in mind. So I will live my life until the day comes that I realize who that is. I want that fairytale wedding, with a beautiful dress, and to dance with my daddy to a song that I want my cousin Scott to sing, have my car decorated saying "Just married" by cousins and friends... a girl dreams of this day for years. I want to find that person that makes me smile, and gives me butterfly's every time we touch. Someone caring and kind and hard working. I can't help but imagine my own wedding when I get to go to friends and family members weddings, which I have been doing a lot of lately.

2. The creation of life... babies. They are such a little miracles, it's amazing. I have only ever been able to experience, thus far, family members and friends babies but I so look forward to the day that I am able to get married and have a child of my own. Raise a family. Do my daughters hair and play games with my little boy. Take them out to ice cream and soccer games. Watch there daddy teach them how to ride a bike. Teach them to tie their shoes, cook in the kitchen, read a book. Take them to their first day of school, their graduations, then one day help them move out and go to college and cry even though I know I raised them right and know they can do it. I can only imagine how amazing it is going to be. I remember when my cousin Amber was pregnant and we would lay there in the living room and watch little Braiden move all over. It was a little bundle of joy growing inside her.

What scares me the most is the possibility of none of this happening here on this earth. I have Cystic Fibrosis. That right there underlines, highlights, and circles number 2, having a baby. I would have to be in great health and have several doctors to watch my care. Then once I have the child I will have to try my hardest to take care of this new born along with keeping up with sleep and my own health. I know plenty of CF mommies that do this but it's going to be hard. As of right now I don't even know if I can get pregnant. That normally isn't a problem for CF girls, but I've had ever complication in the book so for me who knows. If I can't have a child of my own I want to adopt a little baby. I want the privilege and honor to raise, adore, and love a child that I can call my own. I want a family one day. It also scares me to get married. I have to find such a special person that is willing to be their for me when things get rough and not run out on me when things get scary, because I know at times they will get scary. Every now and then I get this feeling of guilt that creeps up that tells me it's not fair to let someone fall in love with me when I will be leaving this earth before they do. I will be leaving them all alone and our children without a mommy, unless a cure or miracle drug is to be found. That filling of guilt sits in the back of my head and every now and then it shows it's ugly face. These are my two biggest goals in life, but at times they seem impossible. This new vertex drug that is coming out within in the next few years is the most exciting thing to me. In 2011 Vertex hopes to be submitting good news to the FDA to get approved but that drug will not be for my gene mutation but if that works out the one that is for mine, Delta F508, is just one step behind and I believe it will make it. It's not a cure but it's such a giant leap towards one! I know God has a plan for me and I will have to live my life to the fullest to find out what that plan is. Don't get me wrong... I love my life. I have amazing friends and a great family! I am having a blast in college and learning a lot, but I just hope and pray one day my life involves these two wonderful things.

"An Attitude of Gratitude!"

First off.... I am now iv FREE and my port will be NO longer accessed as of tomorrow! I can shower, don't have to be on a timer to always be home around my med time, and when I work out my sweat won't itch under the freaking tap. I am so happy. I feel great and blew a 51% which I was really disappointed with but I will keep my running up and hopefully it will go up. I'm not ready for 51 to be my new baseline. I slacked off last week with running but that is not allowed at all anymore!

This post going to be mostly pictures to show my "attitude of gratitude" as President Monson talked about in his conference talk. This last week was homecoming here at school. We don't have dances and pep rallies like you have in high school... we have BBQ's, bonfire/carnivals, parades and FOOTBALL! It was probably the funnest week ever. As unknowing freshman last year we missed it all but the football so this year we did it all and I can say it was one of the best weekends! It rained all week until Thursday which was perfect. It warmed up just enough to be nice but not hot. We won our game despite the reffs throwing a yellow flag our way every chance they got, and denying us 3 touchdowns. So now we are ranked 19 and are 6-0 "N-E-V-A-D-A , you say, NEVADA!!

The hit of the bonfire/carnival was the FREE photo booth!
Almost better then the pulled pork.

The GIANT bonfire!

I have always been one for family. They are the most important people in the world. We are born into it, the teach you right from wrong, are there through thick and thin, and they are your support when the rest of the world is gone. On my Mom's side of the family we do EVERYTHING together. From pool parties all summer at my uncles, Sunday dinner at grandmas, Christmas morning breakfast, hospital stays, surprise birthday or anniversary parties... you name it we do it! Growing up us kids would rather have a birthday party at grandmas then anywhere else or spend our Friday nights trying a new restaurant with Aunt Spring she just called about. My cousins were always some of my best friends, and I loved making trips to Arizona to visit cousins on the Houston side! Now that I am up in Reno I miss alot of those things. It made me realize how much I love, respect and appreciate my family. I already knew I loved, respected and appreciated them but now it's even more evident in my life. Luckily we have cell phones and facebook so that they can call or text me whenever and I can see pictures of stuff going on. My grandma even sends me letters in the mail, it makes my day every time. This past weekend was my Aunt Springs 40th birthday along with my Uncle Kish and Aunt Dulcie's 25 anniversary. Both people were trying to plan surprise parties that weekend. So my aunts was at Macayos (our favorite Mexican restaurant) and EVERYONE made it and the anniversary party was planned for Sunday. I called Sunday and as soon as my mom said hello so did like 10 other people in the back. I talked to both Kish and Dulcie to wish them a happy 25th and how much I love them and when my Uncle Kish said goodbye and that he loved and missed me it brought tears to my eyes. I hate missing this stuff but I also hate vegas, I just can't win. At least I know I am missed and I will always have them! I can't wait to visit in November for Trin's wedding and Thanksgiving. My family has always been number 1 since day 1 for me and it will forever be that way.

This was a picture of all my Mom's brothers and sister at Macayos for my aunts birthday. On Dulcie's facebook the caption under it was "Brianne.... this is for you" It made me laugh so hard. They are always making fun of the pictures my friends and I take. I love my aunts and uncles who gave me all my amazing cousins!! Of course it's all thanks to my Grandparents!

My Daddy and I on Christmas at Grandma's.

Christmas 2008

Dancing with my Uncle Steve (:

Not much has changed, besides our ages.

My surprise 18th birthday party at Grandma's.

The happiest place on Earth. At the lake in Arizona with cousins!

I could go on forever about my family with hundreds of stories and pictures but I will spare you and stop right here because I think you get thee point. I live a pretty amazing life. From being in college, to my friends, my health, and of course my family. Sure I could find stuff to complain about that are going wrong but why? Why waste my time with what I don't have or what I can't control when I have so much more the be thankful for!

I'm most grateful for...

So my lost blog post was a negative one and I am very rarely negative. It takes to much effort being upset about things you have no control over. It's that much easier to find something good and dwell on that! So to counter effect my last negative post I wanted to write about the top 8 things I am most grateful for in my life!!

1. My family: I don't even know where to begin... family is the most important thing to me. My parents are amazing! My daddy works so hard so he can provide for the family and keep us kids happy and healthy. He makes me laugh and he knows everything there is so know about anything and he knows how to fix it all. Then there is my mom. She is basically a super mom. She gets up with me in the night when I am coughing and throwing up, she rubs my back when I am sick, she spends her whole day in the hospital when we are there, she makes us dinner and takes us shopping. Then when I moved up to Reno she sends packages of all sorts of fun stuff, she even sent me flowers on valentines day! She is the most amazing mom anyone could ask for. My brother and sister are great! My little brother is such a comedian and makes me laugh like nobody else can (he gets it from my daddy) He is also so freaking smart. When it comes to math, science, or video games you ask him the question and he can give you answer. My little sister is like my best friend. She is so amazing and strong. I look up to here. She goes to church, gets good grades in the IB program, keeps up her health and is an amazing runner for her schools xc team. She is also one of the sweetest girls I know and she deserves the very best in life. When someone is down in the house she will make them a card and do a chore for them... I have kept all the little cards she has ever made me and I love them. Then there is my extended family, and man are there alot of them! I am so blessed to have such a large amazing family. They always come visit when I am in the hospital bringing me food or sonic drinks! My cousins have always been some of my very best friends. My CF doesn't phase them but when I get sick I know they worry. Once I went away to school it was so hard not getting to see everyone ALL the time but we still talk ALOT. Stacey will randomly call or text me just to tell me she loves me, my Uncle Kish does the same. My Grandma writes me letters in the mail, and Boyd emails me just to say howdy. My cousins Dulcie and Sierra.... man they were more like sisters growing up then cousins. We use to spend SOOO much time together but as we grew up it got harder.My last night in vegas I got to spend with their family and I wouldn't have it any other way. This summer I had a cousin pass away in a horrible accident. I saw my family pull together like I never have before. We spent 3 days in the hospital with her family and after she passed we took food into the family and helped with the funeral. I have so much love and respect for my family.

2. My friends: While family always comes first many of friends end up being part of my family, and many times I into theirs! In high school I had my best friend Caitie. We had our fights but at the end of the day she was my best friend. We were attached at the hip, ask anyone who went to HS with us. We had out notebooks that we would write 10 page letters in, I basically lived at her house on the AF base, we had out inside jokes and P.S. I love you. Junior year I went through a really rough patch with health and some personal problems but even when she didn't agree with what I was doing she was there for me to cry to or to give me swift kick in the butt. When she moved to Georgia I was devastated but I got to spend two weeks down there after Christmas with her and her family and man was it a blast! She sent me cute little cards in the mail and we had plenty of Video Chat dates online. Even though today her and I aren't really friends anymore I owe alot to her. I'm the person I am today because of her. She taught me to be positive and to find the good in life. She taught me how to love and how to be a best friend. She also taught me what is important in life, and that change isn't always a bad thing. I am glad we were best friends for the 4 year that we were! Now I have my very best friends ever AND my roomies sherise and lorin!! I never knew a girl could have such great friends. We do everything together. They have been there for me during some really hard times and some how always seem to make it better! Freaking sherise can make me crack up laughing when I was just crying and Lorin is the sweetest person I have ever met. They don't let my CF phase them. They accept my CF as as much part of me as my eyes or blue. They enjoy going to doctors and they make sure I take care of myself. They even wait to go out so that I can get a treatment done. My entire family loves them and has made them apart of it. I don't know what I would of done last year without these girls. 2nd semester was a hard one health wise and some other personal issues but they were there 100% for me. Whether it was hugging me when I was crying, making me laugh till I cried, taking me to the hospital, or forcing me to eat when I was sick. I love them so much and am so glad we get to live together this year and probably years to come!! Then there is everyone else I hang out with and that I know I will always have a good time with there are just to many to name.

3. My Doctors: I owe my life to them, literally. They have become a part of my extended family. They got graduation invites and they will be at my wedding, I love them. There is the CF coordinator that would walk to the ends of the earth for me, the social worker in reno and vegas that care for my well being, my team of doctors (I have about 10 different ones) that get together or call each other to discuss what would work best for me, and scheduled so much of their lives around mine. Hearing them tell me how proud they are of me and how I have handled taking over my own care and balancing my life and CF means the world to me.

4. My Port: Getting my port this summer was the best discussion I have ever made! After only a couple weeks of being in reno and at school I got really sick and my numbers dropped by 10%!! Last year when that happened we did oral antibiotics and hoped it helped enough to get me till break so I can do a PICC in vegas well this time we started iv's through my port ASAP and man it makes a difference! I didn't skip a beat because I was back to feeling great in no time!

5. My Dad's Job: My dad has been a surveyor for the county for several years now. He works hard to provide everything we need and more, but sometimes it gets rough with three Cf kids the medical bills add up. Thankfully with this job we have amazing insurance that helps with this. So many people are struggling right now with this down economy. Our family was lucky and my Dad has been able to keep his job and insurance. I have lived and continue to live the great life that I did because of his hard work.

6. College: So many people out there, due to unfortunate circumstances, don't get the privilege of attending college or a university. It has been one of the most rewarding and fun experiences I have ever had. From football games, school pride, rivalry week (aka hate week), dorm life, new friends, parties, studying, the campus atmosphere, finals week, to now having my own apartment. I have been able to get out on my own and live the college life. Growing and making new life long friends in the process.... and of course getting an amazing education to be a special education teacher one day!!

7. The Internet: I know what you are think.... "are you serious right now brianne?!" Just give me a chance to explain. Over the last year I have been introduced, by my sister, to CF websites. Most importantly CysticLife! From there I ended up making a blog. The online CF community is HUGE! It has made life so much easier. They are there to listen when you are frustrated, celebrate with you when something great happens, give advice when you need it and most importantly you are there for them when they need it. I have made so many new friends and I am improving my life thanks to them!

8. Church and Faith: These two go hand in hand, and with out them I don't know where I would be. I was raised in a very religious family and have had such great values and moral instilled into me as a child. I am so grateful to my parents for that. I try my hardest to be a good person, to service others, be honest in everything I do, keep my standards high when the world wants me to lower them. I know when times get hard I am never alone, and that you are never given something you can't handle. God has a plan for me and my goal here on this earth is to work hard in finding out what that plan is. I am also so blessed to have a belief in heaven and that families are forever.

Venting: So Frustrated!!

So I go through CF Pharmacy for all my medications but two. However, right now I am so fed up and frustrated with them. As many of you already know my numbers dropped at my last CF clinic and I just started a round of IV's through my new handy dandy port. Well, almost two weeks ago I was feeling pill boxes and going through my medications I had at home and saw it was time to place an order. (I like to order a week or two early just in case of complications or delays so it will get to me before I run out.) Well funny story.... Like 5 DAY after I order the stuff I need I look at the status of the delivery because they had not shown up and it said processing still! I figured I would call after class but when I did call no answer. So the next day they call back saying a payment needs to be made before they can be sent out. So I call my mom, its taken care of no big deal BUT like 4 more days later they call again saying a bunch of the medications actually need refills. By this point I am panicking. I am about to run out of Xopenex, Hyper Sal and a few other things . I call my mom who calls the cf coordinator who says she will take care of it as soon as she gets their fax. She calls today saying she only got 2 of them and is going to call them but by this point I have no more hyper sal. So I am having a hard time breathing cause I am so gunky, That hyper sal makes me cough up alot in the mornings and without it I struggle. I have 2 days left of xopenex, no xyzal so my allergies are freaking out, and my zithromax is out.... I am so angry that this was not all taken care of as soon as I put the order in and not 2 freaking weeks later! Now tomorrow I have to call the doctor and ask if she has samples of stuff. I am on IV's to get better so I need to up the amount of treatments I am doing but how can I do that when I don't have the meds I need! I also have 2 HUGE tests coming up and I feel like poop without them. So it makes studying and concentrating that much harder.

UGH, I just wanna breathe. Is that to much to ask for??

IV's again.... but that doesn't stop me!

So I had a CF clinic last Friday and I was so excited to go in! I had been feeling so tired and coughing ALOT more then normal. So I knew going in my numbers would be down, which of course they were. They dropped from 51% to 44% which isn't a huge drop but if you know me you know that when I get sick I get real sick. So I was started on a few days of steroids and we decided to start IV's on Monday with my new handy dandy PORT! I was so excited that my doctor was going to give me the weekend to enjoy myself and she was going to call my doctors back home in vegas to come up with a master plan on what mix of antibiotics and for how long. So knowing that I had 3 days of care free freedom I used it wisely! I had one of the best weekends I have had in LONG time. It just amazes me how blessed my life is! Friday night we had our football game against CAL, and boy let me tell you most amazing game I have ever been to! Such a huge upset, nobody expected us to win beating a PAC 10 team but we kicked their butt!! After rushing the field we celebrated with some yummy sonic, can't get better then that.

Saturday was cleaning day. I woke up early feeling great with my prednisone working wonders. Later that night was a friends birthday party upstairs. Us girls had a blast! We met lots of new friends, danced the night away, and I had a great heart to heart with another friend. I made sure all my treatments were done before we went cause I knew it'd be a long night and boy was I right! We didn't get to bed till 5 in the morning, but it was totally worth it! Funnest night in forever.

Then Sunday of course was hw but I got an unexpected surprise from a friend and we went out to have hot coco and talk. I had such a great time just hanging out with him. I couldn't of been happier. I always have friends or family comment on how positive and happy I am especially this weekend after hearing about me getting IV's antibiotics started but not letting it get to me at all, and honestly it's not very hard to be that way. I have learned over the years that even if you can't control what happens in your life you control how you act upon it and your own personal attitude. Why waist your time being upset about something you can't control while life passes you by when you can just embrace what is happening and make the very best out of it! Plus what is 2 or 3 weeks of antibiotics when that will give me months of feeling better, more energetic and allow me to breathe easier?! Sounds like a great compromise to me. The only thing I am a little nervous about is doing it all on my own this time. Even though back home I did all my own IV's except the early morning or middle of the night ones it will still be so different not having my mom to fall back on or having her there just as support but I know she is just a phone call away and so is everyone else. I even got an email today from a family friend wishing me luck with school and his concerns when he heard about my IV's and if I needed anything to call. Normally His wife and him bring me Dr.Pepper or ice cream when I am in the hospital or on iv's but his email made my morning. I love my life, and all the people in it. I will have the girls here to help me if I need it and their friendship and caring about me means more then I could ever express. They took on my CF and learned about it like it was there own. Sure having CF sucks and I would have alot more worries and stresses then a normally 19 year old but it has also opened my eyes to such much out there. I have met friends in the CF community that I love, I appreciate every day I have to the fullest, my doctors are more like family, and after years of practice I can find the positive despite what happens in my life.

Making an exercise plan, I think.

So lately it seems that everyone is blogging or talking about exercise and how much it has helped improve their lung function, and I decided it was time for me to get my butt in to shape... better yet my lungs!! For the past year or so my lungs have kinda been on a steady down climb. It is the same routine I get sick, do IV's my pfts pop back up but then a month or so later I start to feel sick again sooooo I figured I should start running and working my lungs out. So far I am thinking about going to the gym about 3 times a week for a couple weeks then maybe step it up a notch. I went today and felt so out of shape. Then my freaking toes cramped up and I couldn't stand on them anymore. Has anyone had that problem??? The gym here at my apartments is really nice. We have a pool to but it's slowly getting to cold to swim much.

Anyways that is the idea I have for getting my lungs back into shape and my numbers where they should be. I am up for any advice or tips that you have. I have never been one to work out so this is all new to me. I'm not ready to be sick and back home and I am not ready to even be at the point of thinking of a lung transplant but my numbers rang between the mid 50's to low 40's and I just want them stable again.