For most people the word progression is a positive word. For the average person it typically means they are moving forward, growing, or progressing. At times that word holds those meanings in my life as well. However, for a person with a chronic illness, like myself, progression can often be a mean and nasty word. Awhile back I wrote about my thoughts on CF progression and control, but lately the progression of CF has been on my mind in a completely different way then it was at the time that I wrote that post.
When you're at the lake, swimming and tubing, and you come to realize swimming out to that tube more then once leaves you breathless; when once, only a few years back, you could spend all day out on the water swimming and tubing. When not to long ago you could dance the night away in your cowboy boots, but now after only a couple of songs you find yourself breathing harder and completely exhausted. When everyone is wanting to go hiking and you're scared to join in on the adventures because you just don't know if you'll even be able to make it half way. That's when progression turns into a scary word.
I can honestly say that is one of the hardest things about having CF. I don't mind the treatments. I don't mind my port and doing IV's. I don't mind blood draws, doctors appointments, x-rays, surgery's, hospital stays or whatever else a life with CF entails that the typical 22 year old doesn't. Sure those things are time consuming and at times can get rather old and in the way of life, but progression can be a heart breaking reality at times. It's not something I think about often till it hits me square in the face that something I'm struggling with now wasn't so hard just 6 months ago or even 3 years ago.
I hate being negative and down on life, but sometimes reality catches you by surprise and it takes you a moment to regroup and do something about it! Earlier this summer I was feeling very fed up with the state my lungs and body were in and I started walking a mile 3 mornings a week. Unfortunately almost 2 weeks into that we had fires on our mountains and the smoke in the valley was terrible. As I sit here tonight I want to recommit to walking a mile 3 days a week, no matter how tired or sore I get I need to do something to make my lungs and body stronger! I won't sit down and let CF take my life away. I'm not okay with being exhausted and out of breath after 2 line dances, I'm not okay with getting winded walking to my car or playing games in the pool.
Tonight I may feel frustrated, heart broken and defeated, but tomorrow I will pick myself back up and recommit myself. A steady 4 treatments a day and walking a mile every other day. I need to do something. Not just for myself today, but for the future me! I have plans and dreams and there's no way I'm going to let CF's progression take those away from me!
